Counting Down Joe Hill & His Fiendish Friends

Joe Hill is a fantastic horror writer and professional loveable weirdo. Having recently come out with a new full length novel, The Fireman, I decided it was time to rank his very worthy additions to the horror genre. Keep in mind, this does not include his phenomenal comic book series, or any of his short stories and novellas. All of which are also pretty darn impressive. Joe’s novels share similar themes. There’s plenty of dark humor, poignancy, heart, and some really wacky and creepy characters along the way.

4. Horns

Many horror fans have probably already seen the movie adaptation of this one starring Daniel Radcliffe in a most un-Potter like role. The movie was good! But of course, the book was better. The story centers around a fellow named Ig Perrish who suddenly finds himself sprouting the titular horns from his head after a night of heavy drinking. Ig also has newfound supernatural powers at his command. Armed with these tools, we follow Ig on his journey to unlock the mystery behind the unsolved rape and murder of his girlfriend. The whole community thinks he’s guilty of committing those heinous acts and he has been ostracized because of it. I definitely liked the “who-dunnit” vibe to this novel. I can also give extra points for originality. I’ve met characters who’ve turned into some pretty weird things, but none take the same journey as poor Ig Perrish.

3. The Fireman

Mr. Hill’s most recent novel! While I do love all things post-apocalyptic, I don’t blame anyone for feeling a little fatigued on the subgenre. Thankfully, this story takes a different approach than most, so don’t be scared off by this. Harper is a school nurse who finds out she’s pregnant while the world is crumbling around her. A massive pandemic is on the loose spreading like wildfire and causing it’s victims to spontaneously combust. And unfortunately, Harper is now a carrier. The uninfected begin to hunt down and kill their infected neighbors, forcing Harper to flee and seek shelter with a group of other afflicted refugees. Did she find a safe haven? Or just another hell? And that’s when things get really interesting…

2. NOS4A2

Where to even begin when describing this eccentric and completely loveable book? The heroine in this tale is a woman named Vic, whom we first meet as a child. Vic has an extraordinary ability to find things by traveling on the Shorter Way Bridge. The bridge takes her wherever she needs to go. But journeying with this magic does take its toll on the users. Others have access to such powers as well. And no one’s method of connection to it is exactly the same. Charlie Manx, the novels adversary, uses his 1938 Rolls Royce Wraith to abscond with children into a dreamy and hellish world called Christmas Land. Vic escaped him as a child, and old Charlie has never forgotten that. So when Vic is all grown up with a son of her own, guess who comes to collect his vengeance? NOS4A2 is by far the most bizarre and heart wrenching Joe Hill novel to date. Whether you take the Shorter Way, or the Wraith, just make sure you get to Christmas Land and read this amazing book.

Honorable Mention...20th Century Ghosts

Okay, I lied. I couldn’t make this list without including one other Joe Hill book. Even though it isn’t a novel. 20th Century Ghosts is a collection of short stories he wrote. And there isn’t a bad one in the bunch. I usually don’t sit down and read a book of short stories cover to cover, but this one I certainly can. My favorite short is actually the first one, Best New Horror. The moment I finished it, I immediately picked it up and read it straight through again. You’ve got the scary, the weird, and a little something for everyone here.

1. Heart-Shaped Box

None of his books can replace this one as my favorite. The star of our tale is former rock god, Judas Coyne. He’s aging and isn’t very happy about it. What happens when you’re a famous rock star who didn’t die young, beautiful, and remain forever immortal in the eyes of pop culture? Well, if you’re Jude, you start collecting spooky oddities and shacking up with young groupies. His newest acquisition is a suit haunted by its previous owner. Needless to say, Jude will certainly be getting more than he ever expected with this one. This is no ordinary ghost, and Coyne will have to confront all his demons if he hopes to make it through this ordeal alive. Judas Coyne immediately stole my heart. This is one of those “comfort books” I find myself reading time and again when I need a literary shoulder to cry on. Now, get out there my fellow creepy book worms and read past your bedtime.

~ Sandra (@LilMsMnstr)

"Killer" Shark Movies to Check Out This Summer

I’ve always been a big fan of sharks; I love learning about them, watching horror movies about them, and even dropping $70 on Jaws-themed Sperry’s (a move which I absolutely do not regret). Since Shark Week, arguably the best week of the summer, kicked off yesterday evening, here is a list of shark-themed horror movies you can turn to when you just can’t sit through anymore of “Sharks After Dark” (which sorta sounds like scandalous TV, but is actually hosted by horror's own Eli Roth and narrated by GoT badass, Lena Headey). Also, as an extra tidbit of info, were you aware there’s a Global Shark Attack File? Enjoy!

Discovery Channel's Shark Week premiered on June 26th and airs through July 3rd.

1. Jaws, 1975

When Jaws was released in theaters on June 20, 1975, it gave America, nay, the world, exactly what it never knew it always wanted: the “summer blockbuster.” It terrified thousands and forever made movie-goers everywhere a little more reluctant to go for a dip in the ocean. This movie has everything going for it - a perfect cast, fantastic score and sound design (people who haven’t even seen Jaws are familiar with the theme music), and a simple yet terrifying story about a killer great white. In my humble opinion, Jaws is as close to cinematic perfection as a movie can get. This is one of the few instances where I will admit to preferring the movie to the book.

2. Jaws II, Jaws III, Jaws: The Revenge, Jaws 3D

With its success in creating the concept of the “summer blockbuster”, it only stands to reason that Jaws would also be, in part, responsible for the subsequent concept of “franchise sequels.” Regardless of how much a person loves sharks and shark movies, even putting Jaws II, III, The Revenge, and 3D anywhere near a list of “top killer shark flicks” should be sacrilege. However, since whatever success these sequels managed to enjoy was a direct result of being related to the original (like almost any other sequel), they should be included to, at the very least, illustrate how Jaws paved the way for future terrible “killer shark” movies. BTW Michael Caine is in Jaws: The Revenge. Seriously.

3. Deep Blue Sea, 1999

There hadn’t been many successful “killer shark” movies released before Deep Blue Sea came to theaters in the summer of 1999. Casual movie-goers and horror-lovers alike were clearly overdue for a solid summer shark movie - Deep Blue Sea had a budget of $60 million and grossed $164.6 million at the boxoffice. That’s pretty huge for a movie that is nowhere near as good or well-done as Jaws. That being said, I’m not ashamed to admit that I rather enjoy Deep Blue Sea. You’re introduced to some pretty off-the-wall science right away so suspending your disbelief for the rest of the movie isn’t much of a problem. Did I mention that not only is Sam Jackson in DBS but so is one Mr. LL Cool J. Ladies Love Cool James, amiright?

4. The Reef, 2010

This 2010 Australian film about a group of friends whose sailing trip to Indonesia goes awry - thanks to a capsized boat and a killer great white - was not as successful at the box office as some of the others on this list. Regardless, I thought The Reef was solidly tense and well-done. The film used an interesting marketing strategy in an effort to build interest; the production crew streamed the film live on the film’s website, while it was in production. The movie was loosely based on the story of Ray Boundy, who was the only survivor in a very similar incident, though the film tried not to advertise that info as they feared it would hurt the Australian tourist industry (as if there aren’t a thousand other animals that can kill you in that country). Perhaps my favorite feature of this movie is the use of actual shark footage. Sharks are awesome and amazing creatures and showing actual footage can be more effective than CGI - just ask the folks who run Discovery Channel’s Shark Week.

5. Sharknado, 2013

Anyone with any familiarity with the SyFy Channel knows they love to show B-movies about ridiculous, non-existent animals in a battle to the death (a la Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf - yeah...that's an actual movie). Well it seems SyFy also loves just showing movies that are barely trying to be believable. Sharknado is one of those inexplicable cult favorites that blew up in popularity almost solely from its complete and utter ridiculousness. Shark tornados?! Seriously?! It sounds batshit crazy but it obviously worked, and now, three inevitable sequels later, I think the Sharknado franchise has finally run its course. But who would’ve thought a movie starring Ian Ziering and Tara Reid, about killer sharks traveling in huge waterspouts, would’ve become such a hit??

6. Sharktopus, 2010

If there’s anything people know the US Navy is up to it’s genetically engineering a half-shark half-octopus hybrid to use as a war machine. This is something important that the American government has been working on for ages. Or, at least, that’s what Sharktopus wants its viewers to believe. When this hybrid sea monster eventually escapes from its “handlers”, is it any surprise when it begins attacking innocent beach-goers?? No, it is not. This movie sounds ridiculous and is, in fact, ridiculous. That, however, doesn’t take away from its entertainment factor - I laughed many a time whilst watching. It is important to note that the “success” and “demand” for Sharktopus has resulted in a couple spin-offs: Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf and Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (one of Heart's lesser-known hits).

7. Open Water, 2003

Another film loosely based on actual events (Tom and Eileen Lonergan), Open Water tells the story of two scuba divers who are separated from their dive group and become stranded at sea. This makers of this film were striving toward shark authenticity so live sharks and shark footage were used during filming. The public seems to be pretty divided on this movie, with some thinking it was a solid piece of minimalist filmmaking and others thinking it was “too slow” and delivered very little action. Regardless of which group you side with, Open Water is a tense reminder to never become separated from your scuba diving group.

8. 12 Days of Terror, 2004

Over 12 days during July 1916, a shark terrorized beach-goers along the Jersey Coast, killing four people and injuring one. This is another true story about a rogue shark with a taste for humans. What made this particular shark different from others was not only its taste for humans, but also the fact that it ventured into the freshwaters of the Matawan Creek to hunt and kill. Believed at the time to be a great white shark, it is now widely debated that it was, in fact, a bull shark (they have been known to venture into freshwaters to hunt and are notoriously aggressive). This story has been told and shown in many different ways during Discovery Channel’s annual Shark Week celebration and, like many shark attack stories, is a tragic one. 12 Days of Terror first premiered on Animal Plant, then was aired again on the Discovery Channel. There’s always a good chance they’ll air it again during Shark Week so if you haven’t seen it, be sure to be on the lookout for it this summer!

9. Jersey Shore Shark Attack, 2012

One would think this movie would be very similar to the previous entry, 12 Days of Terror; however, one would be incorrect in thinking so. Maybe this movie likes to claim that it is based on the Jersey Shore shark attacks of 1916, but its connection is feeble at best. In fact, this is more similar to MTV show, Jersey Shore, than to 12 Days of Terror. In terms of quality and overall substance, JSSA is right there with Sharknado. It is just a cheesy, so-bad-it’s-good B-movie (despite not even the best out of that bunch).

10. Megalodon, 2013

What could possibly be scarier than a huge great white shark? Why a mega-huge megalodon, of course! For those who may be unfamiliar with this Early Miocene, Late Pliocene behemoth, the megalodon was a 59-foot relative of the shark and stalked the earth’s oceans about 2.5 million years ago. The idea of a 59-foot great white swimming under your boat is nothing short of horrifying. Sadly, I can’t really say Megalodon was a good film - it didn’t even have an endearing cheese-factor to it. However, it does serve as a sort of segway for me to mention the faux documentary, Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives, which aired on the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week in 2013. This fake doc caused quite a stir and had fans of Shark Week furious at its creators. Apparently folks needed more than the small disclaimer at the beginning of the show to let them know that the megalodon is not a currently-existing creature. Shark Week can only provide so much new shark info each year; I, for one, was pleasantly surprised they attempted to include a little humor with the lineup. I like to think it also just served to highlight the fools who either get easily upset over dumb things or who need to read a little more about natural history and the awesome animals that roamed this planet.

Sharks are a favorite subject among many makers of creature feature B-movies, and when it comes to the scale in quality for these films, Jaws is like the filet and Sharknado is one of those whole-chicken-in-a-can things. There are many terrible, cheesy creature features out there to choose from, if that’s what you’re in the mood for. Here’s a list of even more killer shark movies (plus a few non-shark flicks) for your perusal:

Please note I haven't watched all of these, therefore cannot endorse them all. If you choose to watch one, you do so at your own risk!

Shark Night 3D
2-Headed Shark Attack
Attack of the Jurassic Shark
Sand Sharks
Avalanche Sharks
Super Shark
The Last Shark
Red Water
Shark Swarm
Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast
Ghost Shark
Bait 3D
Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark
Supergator
Piranhaconda
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid
Dinoshark
Robocroc
Dinocroc
Dinocroc vs. Supergator
SharkMan

~ @jamiestamp

11 of the Best & Worst Horror Dads

I'm a firm believer of "better late than never" so, depite being one day late, here is a list of 11 of the Best & Worst Horror Dads. Obviously there will be more dads on the "bad" end of the spectrum - we do cover horror here, after all. Without further ado...horror dads:

Nathan Grantham (Creepshow, 1982)

This black comedy/horror anthology was directed by George A. Romero and written by Stephen King (his debut into screenwriting as a matter of fact). Father’s Day is the first of five short stories and was written by King specifically for the film. It centers around the death of family patriarch Nathan and his daughter, Bedelia, who is the one responsible for Mr. Grantham’s untimely demise. On her way to a family dinner, Bedelia stops at her late father’s grave to drunkenly reminisce about killing him. In her drunken stupor, she spills her bottle of whiskey onto the grave, which inexplicably reanimates her father’s corpse, who is bent on revenge! Creepshow was a staple Blockbuster pick, when I was a kid - I haven’t seen it in a while but, it’s worth checking out if you’re an 80’s kid who’s never seen it.
Verdict: Bad Undead Dad

George Lutz (Amityville Horror, 1979)

Maybe you’ve been living under a rock, maybe you don’t like true crime, maybe you don’t love horror - I don’t know. I don’t judge. However, if you’re unfamiliar with the story that inspired the Amityville Horror book and movies, here it is: In the evening of November 13, 1974, Ronald DeFeo, Jr. murdered six members of his family, in their Amityville home. He was eventually convicted of second-degree murder, in November of 1975. In December 1975, the Lutz family moved into the home, only to move right back out 28 days later. Their reason for leaving? A never-ending series of paranormal occurrences tormented them until they could no longer take it. In the 1979 film, Amityville Horror, the patriarch of the Lutz household, George Lutz, is depicted as a man who is not in the running for any “father of the year” prize. Struggling financially, he doesn’t take the sudden onset of demonic activity in his new house very well. What results is a movie that should be included on any list of “horror classics.”
Verdict: Bad Dad

Louis Creed (Pet Sematary, 1989)

Directed by Mary Lambert and written by King, this movie is tragic and terrifying (or, at least, it was when I first watched, as a kid). When Louis’ young son, Gage, is killed by a truck - right outside their house - he decides, despite a few ominous warnings, to bury him in the local "pet cemetery." Word on the street is, people buried in this cemetary will be brought back to life as some sort of creepy zombie...or something like that. Despite all the horrible shit that takes place after Gage is buried in the cemetery, you can’t really blame Louis for doing what he did - he was a grieving father. Although, his actions caused one of the most horrible scenes in my memory of horrible scenes, and it involves an achilles’ tendon and a box cutter.
Verdict: Good Dad (who simply made questionable choices)

Dr. Pierre Brasseur (Eyes Without a Face, 1960)

This movie shows what can happen because of the actions of a desperate father. Granted, those “actions” include murdering women to harvest their faces. But if you’ve never been in his shoes, you can’t really judge, right? Regardless, the father does commit murder to help his daughter, but it’s an almost creepy help that seems to go slightly beyond just him trying to alleviate his guilt. It’s almost as if he wants to keep her prisoner as a young-looking porcelain doll. An older film, this movie has successfully stood the test of time and remains a seriously unsettling watch.
Verdict: Bad Dad

“Daddy” Robeson (The People Under the Stairs, 1991)

Not an actual father, per se, but a guy does get referred to as “daddy.” This 1991 horror film was written and directed by master of early 90’s horror, Wes Craven. It tells the story of young rapscallion, Poindexter “Fool” Williams, and his rather unfortunate encounter with the Robesons. The Robesons are not your typical American family; There’s Mommy and Daddy Robeson and young Alice Robeson. It’s important to note “Mommy” and “Daddy” are actually brother and sister (from a long line of inbred crazies) and, in addition to Alice, they have lots of other children hidden under the stairs. This movie disturbed me more than any other when I was a kid, which only resulted in it being one of my video store go-to choices. Personally, I prefer this movie to the Nightmare on Elmstreet films - it's just so messed-up in many ways.
Verdict: Bad “Daddy”

Sean Bridgers (The Woman, 2011)

Directed by Lucky McKee, this film is an adaptation of the novel of the same title, written by Jack Ketchem (who actually joined forces with McKee to write the screenplay). It introduces you to a seemingly normal family, the Cleeks, and their new family “pet project.” The big problem is the task that has been assigned to the family by their dear ol’ dad, Chris, is to break or “civilize” a wild woman, who he captured in the woods. Right off the bat, this is a little more than any dad should ever ask of his family; however, Chris Cleek is a controlling, misogynistic psychopath who isn’t happy unless he’s in complete control of everyone and everything. That’s some real “feel-good” stuff, right? Regardless, The Woman is an interesting story and a surprisingly watchable movie (my biggest complaint is with the soundtrack...I hate it).
Verdict: Really just the worst Dad

Jack Torrence (The Shining, 1980)

It’s impossible to have a list of good & bad dads of horror and not include Jack Torrence. No one could possibly forget Jack Nicholson’s terrifying performance as Jack, caretaker of the Overlook Hotel, in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining. Jack goes a bit nuts while locked up for months in a hotel with more than a few lingering and undead guests. There’s no shortage of creepy figures and terrifying moments in The Shining, and Jack Torrence is really at the top of this list. Even before shit starts to go down at the Overlook, we’re already made aware of Jack’s past (very recent past, actually) drinking problem, which eventually resulted in him dislocating his son Danny’s shoulder. Combine that with all the negative business in the hotel and you know Jack can’t possibly remain sane through this ordeal. After all, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Verdict: Insanely Bad Dad

Jerry Blake (The Stepfather, 1987)

It’s got to be hard enough for a child to get used to a new stepfather in their lives. So imagine how hard it would be if your stepfather was a murderous psychopath? Also, it’s loosely based on the life of actual killer, John List. You pretty much discover right away that Jerry is someone to be afraid of, and you spend a good portion of the movie worried for his new wife and stepdaughter. If you haven’t seen this and feel like checking it out, please do yourself a favor and watch the original. The 2009 remake was a steaming pile.
Verdict: Bad Stepdad

Henry Spencer (Eraserhead, 1977)

A lot of folks aren’t into David Lynch and that’s totally fair. His movies are not for everyone and require viewers to really pay attention and get sucked in. If you’re able to do that, then you’re ready to sit through some terrifying yet, rather understated, examples of horror. Eraserhead is the story of Henry, a man just trying to get by in the nightmare of a world in which he happens to exist. He has a small family but a “family man” he is not. His one and only child has the face that only a mother could love. So when Henry is left alone to care for the kid, he essentially loses his gd mind and we get to watch the horrible process.
Verdict: “Troubled” Bad Dad

William (The VVitch, 2016)

The most recent of the films in this list but since the family patriarch, William, was certainly a key player in Robert Eggers’ directorial debut, it would be a shame to leave him off. Taking place in 1630’s New England, one has to set aside personal opinions regarding religion in order to objectively look at William’s strengths. He clearly loves his wife and his kids and does what he is able in order to provide for them. Sure, he is a devout and strict “man of god”, which in and of itself is a bit on the scary side, but who wasn’t during those crazy times (other than the witches, of course)? The fear and anxiety that surrounded this family -- directly related to their religious beliefs -- was terrifying in its own right. Unfortunately for William, no amount of faith or religious dedication was going to help him once his lovely daughter was singled out for inclusion in the local coven.
Verdict: “Good-Intentioned” Dad

Robert Thorn (The Omen, 1976)

Let’s just get one thing out of the way, Robert Thorn’s evil little offspring, Damien, definitely had it coming. Even though he isn’t the true father of Damien, he does the responsible thing and destroys his son for the sake of all that is good. Wonderfully acted by Gregory Peck, Robert Thorn tries to do the best he can for young Damien but, in the end, the best thing is to destroy him. Not to mention, in addition to trying to be a good father to Damien, Robert is a loving and devoted husband, as evidenced by his reaction to hearing of his wife’s death. The Omen is a great horror classic that has been “blessed” with both sequels and remakes - none of which were actually needed.
Verdict: Good “Dad”

That's it for my list. As per usual, there are some honorary mentions:

• Dad Meiks (Frailty, 2001)
• Frank Parker (We Are What We Are, 2011 & 2013)
• Freddy (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, 1991)

Are there any you think should be added to the list? Let us know!