Best Horror of 2016: Eddie's Picks

Our man Eddie is a man of few words. However, he did take the time to put together a "best of 2016" list so do yourselves a favor and read through his few, but poignant, words. Unless you're a total jabroni and don't like lists...

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The Boy

Yep, the doll movie. SHUT UP! DON'T JUDGE ME, I LIKED IT! It is a silly movie with a loose plot and a strange twist, but it's all done in an amazing setting.

Don't Breathe

Oh shit! Super turbo blind guy smashes invading teens intent on robbing his home. Really fun watch with a twist that delighted and disgusted me.

Rats

Morgan Spurlock's "documentary" on the ever-growing rat population of our cities genuinely creeped me out. Mainly it was all the parasites shown that infest these little bastards. Bot flies...woof!

Late Night Cable

Friend of the show, Andrew Shearer, released an anthology film this year called "Late Night Cable" and it featured a short done by his pre pre-school daughter. It's just her running around filming things with some spooky music added to it. By far the most original thing I've seen this year and I'm totally a sucker for kiddos.

10 Cloverfield Lane

John fucking Goodman. That is all.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

This one hit my sweet spot by not being too smart or too dumb. It was a fun adventure that felt like a mash-up of CSI, Columbo, and The Goonies - all in a strange (but fun!) way.

ABC's of Death 2.5

What a treat this compilation film was. Incredibly fun shorts full of blood splatter, demons, heavy metal, hookers, big-wheel motorcycle gangs, and Elvis impersonators.

Baskin

Turkey's horror offering, Baskin, didn't disappoint at all. This freak show of a movie was so exciting and over-the-top, I have recommended it to all my strong-stomached horror friends.

The Invitation

The Invitation unnerved me more than any other movie I watched this year. This bottle horror suspense fest shattered my nerves by the end, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

The Witch

This masterpiece comes in at #1 for me. It had it all, from a devil-goat to a naked wild witch party in the woods. This film was crafted with love and it shows.

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Counting Down Joe Hill & His Fiendish Friends

Joe Hill is a fantastic horror writer and professional loveable weirdo. Having recently come out with a new full length novel, The Fireman, I decided it was time to rank his very worthy additions to the horror genre. Keep in mind, this does not include his phenomenal comic book series, or any of his short stories and novellas. All of which are also pretty darn impressive. Joe’s novels share similar themes. There’s plenty of dark humor, poignancy, heart, and some really wacky and creepy characters along the way.

4. Horns

Many horror fans have probably already seen the movie adaptation of this one starring Daniel Radcliffe in a most un-Potter like role. The movie was good! But of course, the book was better. The story centers around a fellow named Ig Perrish who suddenly finds himself sprouting the titular horns from his head after a night of heavy drinking. Ig also has newfound supernatural powers at his command. Armed with these tools, we follow Ig on his journey to unlock the mystery behind the unsolved rape and murder of his girlfriend. The whole community thinks he’s guilty of committing those heinous acts and he has been ostracized because of it. I definitely liked the “who-dunnit” vibe to this novel. I can also give extra points for originality. I’ve met characters who’ve turned into some pretty weird things, but none take the same journey as poor Ig Perrish.

3. The Fireman

Mr. Hill’s most recent novel! While I do love all things post-apocalyptic, I don’t blame anyone for feeling a little fatigued on the subgenre. Thankfully, this story takes a different approach than most, so don’t be scared off by this. Harper is a school nurse who finds out she’s pregnant while the world is crumbling around her. A massive pandemic is on the loose spreading like wildfire and causing it’s victims to spontaneously combust. And unfortunately, Harper is now a carrier. The uninfected begin to hunt down and kill their infected neighbors, forcing Harper to flee and seek shelter with a group of other afflicted refugees. Did she find a safe haven? Or just another hell? And that’s when things get really interesting…

2. NOS4A2

Where to even begin when describing this eccentric and completely loveable book? The heroine in this tale is a woman named Vic, whom we first meet as a child. Vic has an extraordinary ability to find things by traveling on the Shorter Way Bridge. The bridge takes her wherever she needs to go. But journeying with this magic does take its toll on the users. Others have access to such powers as well. And no one’s method of connection to it is exactly the same. Charlie Manx, the novels adversary, uses his 1938 Rolls Royce Wraith to abscond with children into a dreamy and hellish world called Christmas Land. Vic escaped him as a child, and old Charlie has never forgotten that. So when Vic is all grown up with a son of her own, guess who comes to collect his vengeance? NOS4A2 is by far the most bizarre and heart wrenching Joe Hill novel to date. Whether you take the Shorter Way, or the Wraith, just make sure you get to Christmas Land and read this amazing book.

Honorable Mention...20th Century Ghosts

Okay, I lied. I couldn’t make this list without including one other Joe Hill book. Even though it isn’t a novel. 20th Century Ghosts is a collection of short stories he wrote. And there isn’t a bad one in the bunch. I usually don’t sit down and read a book of short stories cover to cover, but this one I certainly can. My favorite short is actually the first one, Best New Horror. The moment I finished it, I immediately picked it up and read it straight through again. You’ve got the scary, the weird, and a little something for everyone here.

1. Heart-Shaped Box

None of his books can replace this one as my favorite. The star of our tale is former rock god, Judas Coyne. He’s aging and isn’t very happy about it. What happens when you’re a famous rock star who didn’t die young, beautiful, and remain forever immortal in the eyes of pop culture? Well, if you’re Jude, you start collecting spooky oddities and shacking up with young groupies. His newest acquisition is a suit haunted by its previous owner. Needless to say, Jude will certainly be getting more than he ever expected with this one. This is no ordinary ghost, and Coyne will have to confront all his demons if he hopes to make it through this ordeal alive. Judas Coyne immediately stole my heart. This is one of those “comfort books” I find myself reading time and again when I need a literary shoulder to cry on. Now, get out there my fellow creepy book worms and read past your bedtime.

~ Sandra (@LilMsMnstr)

5 Underrated Horror Villainesses

I’m back again to bring you 5 ladies in horror I feel deserve more love than they generally get. Villainesses, take it away!

5. Nancy (Fairuza Balk, The Craft)

Okay, okay, Nancy does get a fair amount of love from the horror community. But seriously, this witch, brought brilliantly to life by Fairuza Balk, is an idol for all us weirdo horror gals who came of age in the 90’s. So maybe she wasn’t a great friend in the end, and I admit, she ultimately proved to be a bit psychotic and megalomaniac. Doesn’t matter. She still rules.

4. Grand High Witch (Angelica Houston, The Witches)

How many of us out there LOVED this movie as kids and still do as adults?!? This lady is a major reason for that. The Witches absolutely helped mold me into the horror fan I am today, after seeing it at the tender age of 5. In her “human” disguise she was elegant, powerful, and compelling. In her actual skin she was super gross-looking and just plain freakin’ frightening. What I’m saying is, get you a lady who can do both! Minor character flaw? She was really into that whole, “extermination of children” thing.

3. Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates, Misery)

Annie is actually moving up in the world and seems to be getting more and more cred with horror fans, and I could not be more proud of the girl! Annie is a truly frightening and all-too-realistic example of what monsters human beings can be. She’s not a creature, not a demon. She’s one of us. Annie even blended into society for a while until she became a frost-bitten wilderness woman. Ms. Wilkes is a scary reminder of what one person is capable of doing to another. All it took for this obsessive fan was a little opportunity.

2. Minnie Castevet (Ruth Gordon, Rosemary's Baby)

Our beloved genre is notoriously over looked when it comes to winning (let alone) being nominated for all those big fancy schmancy Hollywood awards. But the powers that be could not ignore Ruth Gordan’s glittering performance in this film. In fact, she won both the Oscar and the Golden Globe in the Best Supporting Actress category for her portrayal of the manipulative, conniving, and frightening satanic cult devotee, Minnie Castevet. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, mix yourself up a nice cold tannis root smoothie and enjoy.

And who is my number one most underrated villainess of horror?!

1. Claudia (Kirsten Dunst, Interview with the Vampire)

This little blood sucker is trapped forever in the body of a child while her mind matures over the years. Not surprisingly, this makes for one twisted individual. Claudia is a selfish, obsessive, Machiavellian, remorseless little killer vampire in a satin bonnet. What’s not to love?

But wait! I do have a few women of note who deserve an honorable mention…

Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman, Orphan): Dear, sweet, misunderstood Esther. All she wanted was love. The only problem is, she’s completely fucking nuts. Esther does get a lot of attention for being a villainess, and she totally deserves it. I mean, just look at those EYES!! Spine tingling.

Laurie (Anna Paquin, Trick ‘r Treat): How can you not totally love this girl?! There’s really no way to talk about Laurie without spoiling the whole plot of her story in this beloved Halloween anthology. Anyway, let’s just say there’s more to Laurie and her posse than MEATS the eye. ← PUN.

Mombi (Sophie Ward, Return to Oz): Maybe this one technically isn’t horror, but I can’t be the only genre fan out there that absolutely loves this twisted movie. Mombi is a great princess villainess. But let us not forget the most frightening thing about her. She can take off her freakin’ HEAD and change it out for others in her collection. That my friends is the stuff of nightmares. Note: the above picture is my personal favorite noggin in her collection.

~ Sandra (@LilMsMnstr)